閱讀心得-鏡與窗談判課 Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything

“Negotiation is not a zero-sum game. It’s an essential skill for your career that can also improve your closest relationships and your everyday life. Still, people often shy away from it, feeling defeated before they’ve even started.”

書單

Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything書籍在Amazon中擁有4.5顆星，關於此書:

“Ask for More is “like having a negotiation coach in your corner” (Linda Babcock, author of Women Don’t Ask) and gives you the tools to bring clarity and perspective to any critical discussion, no matter the topic”

紀錄與心得

之前一陣子正在檢視或回顧過去的生活或工作經驗以及設定的目標，發現其中與近況可能互相衝突，而感到焦慮和煩惱時。在機緣巧合之下，看了一下鏡與窗談判課這書籍，感覺這書中提出突破困境的十個工具，有助於增加對於理解自己最深刻的需求或目標，或是引領談判獲得更多的價值。於是，在上一個月份將這本翻譯書籍閱讀完。

愛麗珊德拉・卡特教授在書中將談判比喻成掌舵挺貼切的，人與人之間的任何關係裡，能夠透過對話掌舵，這就是談判。你做的任何決定，在談判中轉向的每一道彎都源於自己設定的問題或目標，倘若每個人只要持續掌舵，且擁有正確的資訊，可能都會有更好的結果。換句話說，如果你想要划著槳、讓獨木舟前進，不先設想好自己要去哪裡，就得承擔風險，整天划槳、乘風破浪，可能會導致自己登錯島。另外，作者也期許協助別人談判，目睹他們為自己創造出好結果時，所散發出成就感與得意的光芒。

這書的內容傳達許多談判過程的觀點和解決問題的思維以及方法，是值得學習與效法的，以下就節選有感觸的部分段落以及闡述內容或思維：

章節概要(突破困境的十個工具)

1. 我想解決什麼問題? What's the Problem I Want to Solve?
2. 我需要什麼? What Do I Need?
3. 我有什麼感受? What Do I Feel?
4. 我以前是怎麼成功處理這種問題的? How Have I Handled This Successfully...
5. 第一步是什麼? What's the First Step?
6. 告訴我.... Tell Me...
7. 你們需要什麼? What Do You Need?
8. 你有什麼顧慮? What Are Your Concerns?
9. 你以前是怎麼成功處理這種問題的? How Have You Handled This Successfully...
10. 第一步是什麼? What's the First Step?

我想解決什麼問題? What’s the Problem I Want to Solve?

• "在任何談判中，要問自己的第一個問題就是“我想解決什麼問題”，而定義問題才是精華，一但學會如何定義問題，就會發現這過程多麽有趣、富有創意，而且讓人心滿意足。"
  "Most people think that the fun part of negotiation is figuring out the solution. Nope. This - difining your problem - is the juicy work. Once you learn how to define a problem, you'll find how incredibly satisfying, creative, and even fun it can be."
• "清楚並徹底定義問題的五個步驟:(1).想想自己的問題，並且把要解決的問題寫下來。(2).將所有內容濃縮成一句話來總結問題。(3).把這句話所有往後回顧的負面觀感都換成向前看的正向觀點，把焦點放在目標（對岸），而不是阻礙（礁岩），轉向為解決問題的正面思維，將帶領我們前往目的地。(4).將句子改成包含怎麼、什麼、何時的問句，形成問句就會給你力量尋找更具體的資訊並採取行動。(5).讓問題更廣泛，讓你看到大格局 。例如：如果這件事成真了，會怎麼樣？"
  "Five steps to defining your problem clearly and completely: (1). Take five minutes to consider and write down the problem you want to solve, whether that's a major famuly challenge. (2). Once you're finished writing, I want you to take what you've written and summarize it in one sentence. Summarizing your problem in one sentence helps to give you the clearest, most concise picture possible. (3). Take anything that is negative and backward-looking in that sentence and reframe it to be positive and forward-looking. When we define a problem to solve, we need to spell out what we want in the future, not what we did't want in the past. (4). Take your sentence and change it into a question starting with how, what, who, or when. It motivates you to seek more concrete information and to act on it. (5). Define your problem broadly and capture the full picture. "
• "談判在回答的第一問題之後，再多追加一個簡單的問題，通常能獲得最佳的資訊。例如：再問你還希望我們知道什麼？"
  "Oftentimes I get the best information from parties after they have answered the first question, with one simple additional question. After they speak, I thank them, and then ask, "What else would you like us to know?" I can't count the number of times that I then hear the thing that has been most on their minds, the thing they were waiting for permission to say."
• "總結談判過程中，一定要尋找反覆出現的模式或字句，而這些模式和字句會反覆出現一定有其特殊的意義，請多留意。"
  "When you summarize, make sure to look for patterns or words that seem to come up over and over again. Those have special meaning, so take note of them."
• "談判專家很清楚自己在談判中的威力來自於知識，而不是靠口若懸河。因此要進行厲害的談判，必須先對自己與對手有足夠的理解，才能展開對話，為雙方都創造價值。"
  "Expert negotiators know that their greatest source of strength in negotiation is not bluster but knowledge. Expert negotiation requires you to understand yourself and someone else well enough to conduct a converation that produces value for both parties."

我需要什麼? What Do I Need?

• "不管我們做了什麼事，都是因為受到了需求的驅使，那是所有人類行為背後的原因。假設缺少了某一樣東西，你就會覺得很痛苦或屈於劣勢，那麼這樣東西就是你的需求，不單只是你的慾望或願望。"
  "Needs motivate everything we do. They are our driving forces, the why behind all human behavior. You'll know something is a need for you, as opposed to just a wish or a want, if the lack of it causes you some kind of suffering or adversity."
• "有需求是人性，懂需求是神性。人類最根本的需求就是基本的生理需求：食物、保暖、遮風避雨、睡眠、性、空氣和水，我們必須要滿足基本的生理需求才能正常生活，進而把注意力放在更高層次的需求，像是財務無虞或是情緒滿足。"
  "Our most fundamental needs as human being are basic physical needs: food, clothing, shelter, sleep, sex, air, and water. For many of us, these needs come first; we must have our basic physical needs met before we can function well enough to turn our attention to any higher-order needs, like funancial adcancement or emotional satisfaction."
• "安全感和經濟穩定這些通常比其他類型的需求感更急迫。安全感，或者是覺得自己受到保護不會被傷害的感覺，對所有人類來說，都是一項基本需求。人類對安全感的需求會影響我們日常生活的選擇和考量，稱為安全感協商；財務安全感屬於基礎的需求，如果個人的經濟需求很急迫，他們會重視經濟穩定勝過於一切，包含頭銜或生活品質。 "
  "Safety, or the sense of protection from harm, is a fundamental need for all human beings. If your list of needs includes basics lik safty, you may have to focus on this need first, before addressing the secondary need. Our human need for security also affects many of our everyday choices and concerns. In the daily decisions we make, some of us are what I call "scurity negotiation" - meaning that we value certainty and lowering risk over saving money or other needs. Financial security rounds out the list of these fundamental nneeds. Money allows us ti byt the necessities of life. When people negotiate for their salary or the value of a contract, they may have in mind specific needs that will be fulfilled by that money. If a person's economic needs are pressing, they may value economic stability above anything else, including title or quality of life."
• "經濟需求很真實，因爲錢可以讓我們買到生活必需品，但也代表尊重、認同、進步、貢獻、成就，甚至自由。"
  "Economic needs are real. Money counts as one of the basic, tangible human needs because it allows us to buy the necessities of life. But money also represents other things. In that way, it can also be an intangible; it is a proxy for respect, acknowledgment, progress, contribution, achievement, and even freedom."
• "辨認出任何需求的方法：(1).想想你現在的處境中，有哪些事情你無法容忍？或哪些事情讓你最煩心，然後再極端去想，寫下相反的情境。(2).把你從別人認為你應該需要什麼的觀點中，抽離出來"
  "How to identify any needs: (1). Think about what you are currently finding intolerable about your situation or what's upsetting you most, then flip it around and write down its opposite. (2). Separate yourself from what other people think or believe your should need."
• "當你發掘了自己的需求時。或許會發現其中可能互相衝突，例如：職場的自我成長，同時也需要為家人維持財務穩定，這可能會讓你知道為什麼沒辦法採取行動，做出轉職的決定。"
  "As you uncover your needs, you may find that some of them appear to conflict. You might simultaneously need the professional growth that comes from bringing a new product to market and the need to maintain financial stability for your family. It might give you a clue as to why you've been unable to take steps toward the job decision. Once we know that you have possibly conflicting needs - and many of us do - then we can figure out whether they actually conflict, or whether there's a mutually satisfying path forward."
• "經歷職場變化的談判算是為自己的職涯發展掌舵，朝向目標前進，而這些控制方向的對話就是談判。"
  "Working through a career change count as a negotiation since you're steering your career toward your goals."

我有什麼感受? What Do I Feel?

• "情緒是談判的核心，所以判讀情緒可以怎麼幫你更有效溝通。不帶主觀或偏見地傾聽內心的聲音，掌握感受是成功談判的關鍵。"
  "Grappling with your feelings is the key to success in any negotiation."
• "憐憫或感激等正面的情緒可以提升我們準確判斷情勢的能力，因此能提出有創意的解決方法，進行創新。"
  "Emotions also affect innovation and creativity: psychology research has found that positive emotions, like compassion or gratitude, can enhance our ability to judge circumstances accurately, come up with creative solutions, innovate - all of which are importance for negotiation."
• "如果你在談判中感受到憤怒，研究顯示這表示你沒有辦法想出一個有創意的解法而締造雙贏的結果，可能也無法精準地評估對方的需求。如果你比對手有權力，他們可能會在短期內因為你的怒意而讓步，但長期來說，可能不願意和你做生意、打交道。展現出失望這種比較溫和的情緒可以比較有機會去溝通那些讓你不滿意的事情，降低對方的反應，並且增加自己達成目標的機會。"
  "If you feel angry during a negotiation, research shows you may experience more difficulty coming up with creative, win-win solutions. You may also have more difficulty accurately assessing the needs of the person across from you. Addressing your anger in advance will help you communicate clearly and with intention when yoou do sit down with someone else. If you have more power than your counterpart, they may be more likely to make concessions in the short term as a result of your anger. But research shows that they may also be less likely to want to do bussiness with you in the long term. If you have less power than you counterpart, showing anger may lead to escalation of the conflict and negotiation impasse."
• "在談判中，焦慮可能迫使一些人接受不好的建議、輕言放棄或忽視自己的需求。練習分辨感受的時候，寫下焦慮，好好讓自己面對焦慮，而不是在談判桌上大聲說出來（除非你在和親近的人談判協商，像是家人和伴侶，而你們的目標是要讓溝通更透明、緊密）。"
  "Anxiety in negotiation can lead people to accept flawed advice, give up easily, and ignore their own needs. In most cases you'll want to address this yourself instead of stating it out loud when you sit down with the other person. ( The exception would be if this is a negiation with someone close to you in your life, perhaps a family member or partner, in which one of the goals is complete transparence and closeness."
• "談判的時候，總經歷負面情緒，或許是對話不太愉快，也可能知道這場對話很難進行，或許是尚未體驗過相關經驗，所以很焦慮。如果你的談判牽扯到一段長期的關係，不管是職場、家庭，或者和自己的關係，那更容易有負面情緒。"
  "Sometimes, we experience negative emotions around a negotiation - perhaps a conversation that didn't go well, one that is proving to be tougher than expected, or one that we haven't tackled yet but is making us anxious. This especially ture if your negotiation involves a long-term relationship, whether at work, at home , or with yourself."

我以前是怎麼成功處理這種問題的? How Have I Handled Thsi Successfully in the Past?

• "成功談判提拔的四個元素: (1).做足研究，建立充分的理由。(2).講出雙贏，互惠的理由。(3).讓主要決策者加入你的計畫。(4).為自己做心理建設，相信你要追求的結果合情合理，不只是出於慾望而已。"
  "To be successful: (1). Research and build a case (2). Frame this as a mutual win (3). Get some key people on board, and (4). psych yourself up to believe that the outcome you're advocating is actually the right one, and not just the one you want."
• "當我們花時間提醒自己過去的成功事例時，就能降低腦中的雜音，讓自己能看見這場談判只是人生很多場談判裡的其中之一。並且回想過去成功的經驗，產生很有用的行動方案清單。思考過去的成功經驗還有另外一個好處是帶給你力量、幸福感、成就感，對你在處理的問題帶來正面的影響。"
  "Once we take the time to remind ourselves of a prior success, we reduce the noise in our minds and allow ourselves to see that this negotiation is just one of many we have tackled in our lifttime. When you consider a prior success, you feel better. And when you feel better, you increase the chances that you will perform better in your next negotiation. One of the main resaons to ask this questiob is that, in addition to placing your situation in context and generating helpful ideas, it makes you feel empowered, happy, and proud in a way that has a positive impact on the issue you are working on."
• "挖掘自己的過去，想想以往面對過類似挑戰的經驗，而能從中得到參考。回想過去的成功經驗時，常常有機會蛻變，從原本的不安、憂慮、失落的模樣，轉變為充滿信心、思路分明，甚至很想要馬上開始談判。"
  "Looking at a prior success helped someone approach a challenging negotiation with some concrete ideas that gave them a roadmap toward continued success. If this applies to you, take a moment to see if your prior success helps you generate ideas for your own negotiation."
• "過去的成功經驗不一定要轟轟烈烈，想想人生中哪一個階段的生活或工作很順利，或是諮詢好朋友或很親近的同事，對你的貢獻有什麼評價，認為你擅長什麼？當你所敬重或親近的人給你一些意見時，就可以幫你回想過去的成功經驗。"
  "Your prior success doesn't have to be something huge, like landing the deal that transformed your company and ended up leading to an initial public offering. Take some time to think about a period when things went well at/with work or in your personal life. A time you felt proud, even in the moment. Pr when you received a piece of positive feedback from friend or close colleague."

第一步是什麼? What’s the First Step?

• "所有談判都和時間旅行有關，必須要理解過去和當下，才能設計更好的未來。回顧你的問題、回顧你的需求、回顧你的感受、想想過去的成功經驗、當面對談判或掌舵要朝大目標前進的時候，在出發前就設計好整套解決方案，可能會讓人心累，反倒失去生產力，或是提早放棄。當你朝著大目標前進時，一步一腳印特別有用。"
  "Every negotiation involves time travel: we need to understand the past and the present before we move to designing a better future. First, focusing on the first step can help us build momentum. When facing a negotiation or steering ourselves toward a big and exciting goal, trying to design the whole solution from the outset can feel more overwhelming than productive. And being overwhelmed can lead even the most motivatived people to give up permaturely or approach things in a haphazard way. Sometimes, we need that one step to help us build a little momentum."
• "定義問題或目標，並檢視了要怎麼做才能達成自己目標。接下來，探索自己的需求和感受，才能清楚了解自己重視什麼，要怎麼做決定。後來，我們從過去的成功經驗中，產生了動力和想法。
  "Defining our problem or goal and examining what led to it. Then, we explored our needs and feelings, which helped set our priorities and make decisions. After, we generated momentum and ideas by investigating a prior success."
• "如果你以前沒有在類似的處境裡成功過，那就看看其他成功經驗有哪些步驟或行動可以複製在這場談判中。"
  "If you don't have a similar prior success, tak a look at the unrelated prior success, you can examine what leads you to that success (and confidence) and see what steps you can replicate for this negotiation."

告訴我… Tell Me…

• "”告訴我“是最開放的問題，這可以讓對方分享內心的想法，或關於特定主題的意見。這樣的開放問題稱為創新的泉源，因為其產生的資訊可以改變組織、機構和個人。"
  "Tell me is the most open question you can ask on any topic. It allows the person to shar anything they want about themselves or a particular topic. No question unlocks trust, creativty, understanding, and mind-blowing solutions like Tell me."
• "要交換觀點，難度可能意外地高，從別人的角度看議題，就像戴上一副新眼鏡，剛開始需要適應、聚焦，甚至會不舒服，可是，獲得這個觀點很重要，因為這會幫助從非黑即白的視角，切換成談判專家所稱的學習型對話。"
  "Switching perspective can be surpisingly hard to accomplish. Seeing things from another person's point of view can feel like putting on a new pair of glasses: initially it takes work and focus and may feel unpleasant before your eyes adjust. But getting that perspective is important. It helps us move from a block-and-white view of a situation to what some negotiation experts have called a learning conversation, where we grow in our understanding of an issue rather than remain stuck."

你們需要什麼? What Do You Need?

• "從對方所提出的要求中挖掘出真正的需求，可以幫助雙方改變對衝突的看法，並且一起攜手解決問題。事實上，需求才是很多人展開訴訟的真正原因，並非權利。需求才是很多談判會停滯或失敗的原因，而非權利。需求才是引發很多人行動的動機，各方立場不同的主因。"
  "Getting underneath someone's demands to figure out the needs driving them can help transform someone's ideas about a conflict and what to do with it. The fact is that needs, not rights, are the real reason many negotiations stall out or end badly. They are the person's why, the reason for taking the position they do. And when we figure out someone else's need, those needs help us generate, much better solutions to tough problems."

你有什麼顧慮? What Are Your Concerns?

• "在談判中的下一步，就是要問對方的顧慮。在所有談判中，聽出對方的顧慮都會對你很有幫助。不只可以協助你獲得談判所需要的關鍵資訊，還能讓對方強烈地感受到自己的心聲被你聽見。"
  "The next step in your negotiation is to ask the person about their concerns. Hearing people's concerns will help you in any negotiation. Not only does it help you get information that will be critical to your negotiation but it also has the powerful effect of making the other person feel heard."

你以前是怎麼成功處理這種問題的? How Have You Handled This Successfully in the Past?

• "請別人說說過去的成功經驗可以幫助他找回信心與動力，來解決公同面對的問題。回想起充滿信心與力量的感覺，可以讓人在面對談判的時候更順利。"
  "The reason to ask about a prior success is that it helps the other person gather the confidence and motivation to help solve the problem you both face. Remembering that feeling of power or confidence can help tremendously when facing a negotiation."
• "問對手過去有什麼成功的經驗可以建立雙方的默契。當你在談判中把對方當成你的夥伴，他們就比較願意互利、讓利。"
  "Asking an adversary about a prior success also has the benefit of establishing rapport. By treating the other person as partner in your negotiation, you increase the odds that they will want to do something beneficial for you. too."
• "如果對方沒辦法想起過去的成功經驗，要記得自己還是可以幫他們撒一張更寬廣的漁網，回想起以前成功的經驗，因為對方過去可能碰過不一樣的狀況，但是和現在的境遇有類似的元素，而對方當時處理得很好。"
  "Recalling a prior success that has any element simiar to the current situation you're discussing. In this way, you can help the person you're talking to cast a wider net, and recall a prior success that may still give them usful data in solving the issue at hand."

第一步是什麼? What’s the First Step?

• "在談判過程中，人都會互惠，有來有往，這表示你對別人做了什麼，別人就很有可能對你做一樣的事。所以當你問同事或家人有什麼想法，就是在給他們主導的機會，讓他們理解你的目標，這樣他們不管做什麼工作都會快樂。當你問別人有什麼想法的時候，就是在培養成長型思維，讓你能學到更多、成就更多。"
  "If you're working on a group negotiation, whether it's among family, colleagues, or nations, you may want to be more deliberate about how you generate ideas than simply asking someone on the spot. For many years, people thought that group brainstorming, a process in which people would get together and shout out as many ideas as came to mind, would produce the best, most innovative results. Asking other people questions about their ideas, you cultivate "growth mind-set" that helps you learn and achieve more."
• "同理心、信任感、願意回應對方顧慮的特質，有助於打造健康的人際關係。當你問別人有什麼想法且真誠傾聽的時候，就增加了這些特質。"
  "What leads to healthy personal relationships, and the answers include qualities like empathy, responsiveness to partners' conserns, and trust. You increase all those qualities when you ask someone else for their ideas and sincerely listen to their answers."
• "問別人意見就是表現你的尊重和願意合作，這是建立信任基礎的最後一步，有了信任基礎才能有長期、具生產力、產生利潤的合作關係。"
  "Asking the other person for their ideas is a sign of respect and collaboration. It's the final step in building a fundation of trust up on which long, productive, and lucrative partnerships are built. It lets them know that you are interested in them, whether personally or professionally."
• "研究顯示人類強烈傾向於迴避損失，這代表我們想要避免損失的慾望，大過於我們想要取得收穫的念頭。在談判中，強調損失會降低對方的彈性與妥協的意願。"
  "Studies show that human beings are very loss-avoidant, meaning that we want to avoid a loss even more than we want to achieve a gain - and that focusing on losses can reduce the other person's flexibility and willingness to compromise in negotiation."
• "在一段關係裡，清楚直接是最好也最有同理心的掌舵方式。透明能創造信任感，你可以更清楚地看見自己，看清楚別人。當你看清楚了，就能說明白，你也給別人一扇窗，讓對方能理解你，而且你還幫他們更理解你的提案，讓自己更有機會成功。"
  "Transparency creates trust. You can see yourself and someone else more clearly. When you see clearly, you can speak more clearly. In doing so, you giv the person a window into you, too. And you help them understand your proposals better, giving you the best chance for success."

總結

略讀這本談判的書籍，不僅僅有助於屏除腦中許多的雜音，協助引導自己與自我對話，挖掘潛藏的需求、顧慮和想法，也從中了解到傾聽以及正確問題的重要性。為了增進對於談判的重要性，要讓自己試著藉由日常生活中體會成功的抱負都來自我們的需求，以及成功的談判需要取得正確的資訊，才能做出更好的決策。推薦這本給予想突破困境或陷入停滯的人來閱讀。

Reference

[1] Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything

[2] Wike: Alexandra Carter