閱讀心得-鏡與窗談判課 Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything01/08/2022 Tags: Reading
“Negotiation is not a zero-sum game. It’s an essential skill for your career that can also improve your closest relationships and your everyday life. Still, people often shy away from it, feeling defeated before they’ve even started.”
Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything書籍在Amazon中擁有4.5顆星，關於此書:
“Ask for More is “like having a negotiation coach in your corner” (Linda Babcock, author of Women Don’t Ask) and gives you the tools to bring clarity and perspective to any critical discussion, no matter the topic”
- 我想解決什麼問題? What's the Problem I Want to Solve?
- 我需要什麼? What Do I Need?
- 我有什麼感受? What Do I Feel?
- 我以前是怎麼成功處理這種問題的? How Have I Handled This Successfully...
- 第一步是什麼? What's the First Step?
- 告訴我.... Tell Me...
- 你們需要什麼? What Do You Need?
- 你有什麼顧慮? What Are Your Concerns?
- 你以前是怎麼成功處理這種問題的? How Have You Handled This Successfully...
- 第一步是什麼? What's the First Step?
"Most people think that the fun part of negotiation is figuring out the solution. Nope. This - difining your problem - is the juicy work. Once you learn how to define a problem, you'll find how incredibly satisfying, creative, and even fun it can be."
- "清楚並徹底定義問題的五個步驟:(1).想想自己的問題，並且把要解決的問題寫下來。(2).將所有內容濃縮成一句話來總結問題。(3).把這句話所有往後回顧的負面觀感都換成向前看的正向觀點，把焦點放在目標（對岸），而不是阻礙（礁岩），轉向為解決問題的正面思維，將帶領我們前往目的地。(4).將句子改成包含怎麼、什麼、何時的問句，形成問句就會給你力量尋找更具體的資訊並採取行動。(5).讓問題更廣泛，讓你看到大格局 。例如：如果這件事成真了，會怎麼樣？"
"Five steps to defining your problem clearly and completely: (1). Take five minutes to consider and write down the problem you want to solve, whether that's a major famuly challenge. (2). Once you're finished writing, I want you to take what you've written and summarize it in one sentence. Summarizing your problem in one sentence helps to give you the clearest, most concise picture possible. (3). Take anything that is negative and backward-looking in that sentence and reframe it to be positive and forward-looking. When we define a problem to solve, we need to spell out what we want in the future, not what we did't want in the past. (4). Take your sentence and change it into a question starting with how, what, who, or when. It motivates you to seek more concrete information and to act on it. (5). Define your problem broadly and capture the full picture. "
"Oftentimes I get the best information from parties after they have answered the first question, with one simple additional question. After they speak, I thank them, and then ask, "What else would you like us to know?" I can't count the number of times that I then hear the thing that has been most on their minds, the thing they were waiting for permission to say."
"When you summarize, make sure to look for patterns or words that seem to come up over and over again. Those have special meaning, so take note of them."
"Expert negotiators know that their greatest source of strength in negotiation is not bluster but knowledge. Expert negotiation requires you to understand yourself and someone else well enough to conduct a converation that produces value for both parties."
"Needs motivate everything we do. They are our driving forces, the why behind all human behavior. You'll know something is a need for you, as opposed to just a wish or a want, if the lack of it causes you some kind of suffering or adversity."
"Our most fundamental needs as human being are basic physical needs: food, clothing, shelter, sleep, sex, air, and water. For many of us, these needs come first; we must have our basic physical needs met before we can function well enough to turn our attention to any higher-order needs, like funancial adcancement or emotional satisfaction."
"Safety, or the sense of protection from harm, is a fundamental need for all human beings. If your list of needs includes basics lik safty, you may have to focus on this need first, before addressing the secondary need. Our human need for security also affects many of our everyday choices and concerns. In the daily decisions we make, some of us are what I call "scurity negotiation" - meaning that we value certainty and lowering risk over saving money or other needs. Financial security rounds out the list of these fundamental nneeds. Money allows us ti byt the necessities of life. When people negotiate for their salary or the value of a contract, they may have in mind specific needs that will be fulfilled by that money. If a person's economic needs are pressing, they may value economic stability above anything else, including title or quality of life."
"Economic needs are real. Money counts as one of the basic, tangible human needs because it allows us to buy the necessities of life. But money also represents other things. In that way, it can also be an intangible; it is a proxy for respect, acknowledgment, progress, contribution, achievement, and even freedom."
"How to identify any needs: (1). Think about what you are currently finding intolerable about your situation or what's upsetting you most, then flip it around and write down its opposite. (2). Separate yourself from what other people think or believe your should need."
"As you uncover your needs, you may find that some of them appear to conflict. You might simultaneously need the professional growth that comes from bringing a new product to market and the need to maintain financial stability for your family. It might give you a clue as to why you've been unable to take steps toward the job decision. Once we know that you have possibly conflicting needs - and many of us do - then we can figure out whether they actually conflict, or whether there's a mutually satisfying path forward."
"Working through a career change count as a negotiation since you're steering your career toward your goals."
"Grappling with your feelings is the key to success in any negotiation."
"Emotions also affect innovation and creativity: psychology research has found that positive emotions, like compassion or gratitude, can enhance our ability to judge circumstances accurately, come up with creative solutions, innovate - all of which are importance for negotiation."
"If you feel angry during a negotiation, research shows you may experience more difficulty coming up with creative, win-win solutions. You may also have more difficulty accurately assessing the needs of the person across from you. Addressing your anger in advance will help you communicate clearly and with intention when yoou do sit down with someone else. If you have more power than your counterpart, they may be more likely to make concessions in the short term as a result of your anger. But research shows that they may also be less likely to want to do bussiness with you in the long term. If you have less power than you counterpart, showing anger may lead to escalation of the conflict and negotiation impasse."
"Anxiety in negotiation can lead people to accept flawed advice, give up easily, and ignore their own needs. In most cases you'll want to address this yourself instead of stating it out loud when you sit down with the other person. ( The exception would be if this is a negiation with someone close to you in your life, perhaps a family member or partner, in which one of the goals is complete transparence and closeness."
"Sometimes, we experience negative emotions around a negotiation - perhaps a conversation that didn't go well, one that is proving to be tougher than expected, or one that we haven't tackled yet but is making us anxious. This especially ture if your negotiation involves a long-term relationship, whether at work, at home , or with yourself."
- "成功談判提拔的四個元素: (1).做足研究，建立充分的理由。(2).講出雙贏，互惠的理由。(3).讓主要決策者加入你的計畫。(4).為自己做心理建設，相信你要追求的結果合情合理，不只是出於慾望而已。"
"To be successful: (1). Research and build a case (2). Frame this as a mutual win (3). Get some key people on board, and (4). psych yourself up to believe that the outcome you're advocating is actually the right one, and not just the one you want."
"Once we take the time to remind ourselves of a prior success, we reduce the noise in our minds and allow ourselves to see that this negotiation is just one of many we have tackled in our lifttime. When you consider a prior success, you feel better. And when you feel better, you increase the chances that you will perform better in your next negotiation. One of the main resaons to ask this questiob is that, in addition to placing your situation in context and generating helpful ideas, it makes you feel empowered, happy, and proud in a way that has a positive impact on the issue you are working on."
"Looking at a prior success helped someone approach a challenging negotiation with some concrete ideas that gave them a roadmap toward continued success. If this applies to you, take a moment to see if your prior success helps you generate ideas for your own negotiation."
"Your prior success doesn't have to be something huge, like landing the deal that transformed your company and ended up leading to an initial public offering. Take some time to think about a period when things went well at/with work or in your personal life. A time you felt proud, even in the moment. Pr when you received a piece of positive feedback from friend or close colleague."
"Every negotiation involves time travel: we need to understand the past and the present before we move to designing a better future. First, focusing on the first step can help us build momentum. When facing a negotiation or steering ourselves toward a big and exciting goal, trying to design the whole solution from the outset can feel more overwhelming than productive. And being overwhelmed can lead even the most motivatived people to give up permaturely or approach things in a haphazard way. Sometimes, we need that one step to help us build a little momentum."
"Defining our problem or goal and examining what led to it. Then, we explored our needs and feelings, which helped set our priorities and make decisions. After, we generated momentum and ideas by investigating a prior success."
"If you don't have a similar prior success, tak a look at the unrelated prior success, you can examine what leads you to that success (and confidence) and see what steps you can replicate for this negotiation."
"Tell me is the most open question you can ask on any topic. It allows the person to shar anything they want about themselves or a particular topic. No question unlocks trust, creativty, understanding, and mind-blowing solutions like Tell me."
"Switching perspective can be surpisingly hard to accomplish. Seeing things from another person's point of view can feel like putting on a new pair of glasses: initially it takes work and focus and may feel unpleasant before your eyes adjust. But getting that perspective is important. It helps us move from a block-and-white view of a situation to what some negotiation experts have called a learning conversation, where we grow in our understanding of an issue rather than remain stuck."
"Getting underneath someone's demands to figure out the needs driving them can help transform someone's ideas about a conflict and what to do with it. The fact is that needs, not rights, are the real reason many negotiations stall out or end badly. They are the person's why, the reason for taking the position they do. And when we figure out someone else's need, those needs help us generate, much better solutions to tough problems."
"The next step in your negotiation is to ask the person about their concerns. Hearing people's concerns will help you in any negotiation. Not only does it help you get information that will be critical to your negotiation but it also has the powerful effect of making the other person feel heard."
"The reason to ask about a prior success is that it helps the other person gather the confidence and motivation to help solve the problem you both face. Remembering that feeling of power or confidence can help tremendously when facing a negotiation."
"Asking an adversary about a prior success also has the benefit of establishing rapport. By treating the other person as partner in your negotiation, you increase the odds that they will want to do something beneficial for you. too."
"Recalling a prior success that has any element simiar to the current situation you're discussing. In this way, you can help the person you're talking to cast a wider net, and recall a prior success that may still give them usful data in solving the issue at hand."
"If you're working on a group negotiation, whether it's among family, colleagues, or nations, you may want to be more deliberate about how you generate ideas than simply asking someone on the spot. For many years, people thought that group brainstorming, a process in which people would get together and shout out as many ideas as came to mind, would produce the best, most innovative results. Asking other people questions about their ideas, you cultivate "growth mind-set" that helps you learn and achieve more."
"What leads to healthy personal relationships, and the answers include qualities like empathy, responsiveness to partners' conserns, and trust. You increase all those qualities when you ask someone else for their ideas and sincerely listen to their answers."
"Asking the other person for their ideas is a sign of respect and collaboration. It's the final step in building a fundation of trust up on which long, productive, and lucrative partnerships are built. It lets them know that you are interested in them, whether personally or professionally."
"Studies show that human beings are very loss-avoidant, meaning that we want to avoid a loss even more than we want to achieve a gain - and that focusing on losses can reduce the other person's flexibility and willingness to compromise in negotiation."
"Transparency creates trust. You can see yourself and someone else more clearly. When you see clearly, you can speak more clearly. In doing so, you giv the person a window into you, too. And you help them understand your proposals better, giving you the best chance for success."